Become a Better Lover by Becoming a True Friend 

Becoming a better lover is probably one of your goals. You want to please your partner because when you do, your partner often reciprocates. When the bugs have mostly been worked out in your relationship, you two can give your best to each other.

Becoming a better lover has to do with putting your partner’s needs first and being able to head off arguments and stress. Becoming a true friend first is a necessary factor in establishing a healthy relationship.

A friend is someone in whom you can confide your deepest darkest secrets without fear that he will tell someone else. A friend is someone who can finish your sentences and who can see through your eyes at your vision, and often have the same vision.

By being a true friend, you already know many intimate things about him, and you still stick around. He apparently feels the same about you. True friends will have each other’s back.

Becoming a Better Lover Means Becoming a Better Listener

You become a good lover by listening to his words. You become a better lover by not only listening to his words but also genuinely offering understanding and expressing empathy when appropriate.

A true friend:

  • Will not “bring a bone” and “take a bone.” This old expression means that your friend will not bring gossip to you and will not gossip about you to others.
  • Knows how to pull you out of the doldrums or at least will try his best.
  • Will help you solve problems.
  • Makes you feel comfortable when he’s around.
  • Brings out the best in you.
  • Is generous with his time and finances.
  • Is fun to be around. Sees the humor in the little things. There’s laughter between the two of you.

In becoming a better lover, you will possess the above qualities in varying degrees. If they aren’t present in a sufficient amount there will be tension in the relationship.

Dante and Tonya dated for three months. During that time, Tonya began to have misgivings about their relationship. She enjoyed walks in the park, going to movies, and having lunch together. But Dante only came to her house to watch television or for romantic escapades.

When she voiced her desire to do fun things, he brushed her off. Tonya was hard pressed to recall times when they shared laughter. And she finally realized that Dante was not a friend, one who considered her feelings and desires.

She broke off the relationship and within a few weeks, she met Lee Andrew.

Lee Andrew was the opposite of Dante. Lee Andrew loved life and exhibited an adventurous spirit. He often asked her how she was feeling, and if she voiced any discomfort, he took great steps to try to make her comfortable.

He found time to take her places she wanted to go.

  Want to Become a Better Lover? Take Friendship Seriously

Lee Andrew wanted to become a better lover. He knew Tonya was an animal enthusiast and he surprised her by taking her to the PAWS' (Performing Animal Welfare Society) annual Elephant Grape Stomp in San Andreas, California. (No, the elephants did not actually stomp the grapes.)

The event was a fundraiser in which proceeds went toward efforts to rescue, house, feed, and provide veterinary care for animals that had previously performed in circuses and in other areas of entertainment. There was vegan food and wine tasting.

Tonya watched the elephants grazing on distant rolling hills. The workers tossed apples, carrots, and hay to the elephants behind the fencing.

The elephants picked up the treats with their trunks and finagled them into their mouths. As water ran from an upright waterspout, Mara splashed herself with it using her trunk. At other times, she rattled the fencing cable.

 Elephant Mara

 Lee Andrew’s thoughtfulness endeared Tonya to him. His understanding of her needs and his ability to give were qualities she enjoyed in a true friend. Tonya, in turn, would think of great ideas to show her love and appreciation for him.

If you want to become a better lover, find the time and the ways to warm someone’s heart. You’ll get a great return on your investment.


A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.

-William Arthur Ward 

Love is friendship set on fire.

-Jeremy Taylor

 A friend is like a push-up bra, supportive and close to the heart.

-Anonymous

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