Black Dating—It Doesn’t Have to be All Hills and Valleys

Does black dating constitute an obsession for you? Do you spend much of your time looking for love, hitting the clubs, parties, and the online black dating sites? Do you fall in love quickly and fall out just as quickly?

You may be cycling rapidly through the highs and lows, through the hills and valleys of dating.

The inability to understand yourself as well as another, results in immaturity. You may have heard men complain that they do not understand women. And you may have heard that women do not understand men.

This misunderstanding is much like tectonic plates separating, causing a continental divide.

You may have even met your soul mate and not recognized him due to your dating immaturity. Your vision board reads that your soul mate is tall and has a dimple in his chin. Your date has neither characteristic.

Hopefully you will come to realize that you cannot tie Nature’s hands. It knows what’s best for you and it isn’t superficiality.

Dr. John Gray, in his book Mars and Venus on a Date, talks about how he met a woman who he dated for a while, and although they loved each other, they eventually broke up. Four years later, they got back together. This time, they married. Neither knew when they first met that they were meant for each other. Only after having matured in their dating skills did they come to realize they were soul mates.

What if You’re Not Obsessed With Finding Lasting Love During Black Dating?

Even if you date occasionally—not being obsessed, that is—you’ll still likely experience the hills and valleys of black dating. It’s natural. But having the ability to understand yourself and your date better may bring you to a place where you can spot his value and not throw the baby out with the bath water.

In order to understand one another while black dating, let’s take a look at the differences between the male and female brain.

Dr. G. Jantz, Ph.D., writes about the "Brain Differences Between Genders." His article explores four primary areas of differences between the brains of the two genders. These are general differences and there will be exceptions, meaning males will often behave to some degree as females and females as males.

Scientists have found that male brains reveal that men are focused on gathering information and are action oriented. Being task oriented, they become deeply immersed in what they’re doing to the degree that they can become unaware of their surroundings.

Females on the other hand, are able to go from one task to another more quickly than males. Women tend to multi-task easier, while men do better on projects requiring focus.

Both male and female brains process neurochemicals, such as serotonin, testosterone, estrogen, and oxytocin.

Because males process these chemicals in different degrees than females, they tend to be less able to sit still as long as females. In addition, males exhibit more physically impulsive and aggressive behaviors. They also process less of the bonding-relationship chemical.

Females tend to have a larger hippocampus—which is the memory center—and a higher density of neural connections to it. This results in females tending to take in more information through their five senses with the accompanying ability to retain more of this information. Women also tend to be more emotional.

While males tend to have verbal centers only on the left hemisphere, females generally have verbal centers on both sides of the brain, thereby using more words when relating a story or describing their feelings.

Jantz goes on to say that males generally have fewer verbal centers as well as having less connectivity between their word centers and their memories or feelings. When discussing feelings and emotions and senses, females tend to have an advantage and find talking interesting.

The female brain has a more natural blood flow, causing her to think about and rehash emotional memories more than the male. Males tend to reflect more briefly on an emotional memory, analyze it a bit, and move on to the next agenda. They are less likely to even analyze their feelings at all and may choose a course of action instead. They don’t necessarily avoid their feelings; they just choose to do something else.

The above are just four differences between the male and female brain. Jantz goes on to say that scientists have uncovered approximately 100 more differences.

Knowing that there are major differences in the way men think, can help a woman understand him when she’s involved in the black dating scene. When he doesn’t talk as much as you do, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not interested in you. When he’s not as emotional as you, it’s not just because society says men shouldn’t show emotion. It seems that his brain chemistry is different from yours.

In addition to the information on brain differences, it is also important to note that men and women give off nonverbal messages. Learning about these gestures will also help you to relate to him better.

When you strive to understand him as well as yourself, the hills and valleys won’t seem so extreme. And when you find The One, you just may arrive at a plateau in which you both can grow together from there.

At this site, I hope to explore more reasons why there seems to be a serious disconnect between black males and females.

I hope to bring couples together in understanding in order to counteract seeing daters disillusioned and drifting apart as it seems to be happening more and more in society today.

This site’s mission then, is to uncover ways that men and women can appreciate their differences instead of peering at each other through a critical lens.

I believe that we can uplift each other through love and respect, much of which has been lost do to the negative influences of our culture through the media.

You’ll find more black dating tips on this site, which gives pointers on how to conduct yourself when on a date as well as being safe out there.

This site is primarily geared for women only because I feel that the majority of my audience will be female. But men are welcome as well. The sauce that’s good for the goose is also good for the gander. Learning and growing and discussing issues are for those who seek it.

Jantz, Gregory L., Ph.D. "Brain Differences Between Genders." Psychology Today. February 14, 2014. Accessed February 24, 2019.

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