Black People Dating Today Need to Know When, and When Not, to Judge

Black people dating today will benefit by using good judgment when it comes to dealing with other people and situations. Keeping this in the forefront of their mind will aid in having smoother black dating experiences. Here is a popular expression: “Don’t judge me.”

But what does it mean?

It means for someone to not make snap decisions about another because who can really know intimate details about another’s nature. People often get it wrong.

Gossip starts when one person feels she knows something about another and feels compelled to share it.

Gossip often looks for shock value or a wow factor in the message it delivers. Gossip is damaging because it contains kernels of unconfirmed details.

We are to judge, but not with the aim of gossiping. For gossiping will destroy relationships, often by spreading untruths that we thought we knew. Even if we gossiped about something we knew to be the truth, we’ve breached an oath of secrecy to a friend or acquaintance.

While black people dating realize that it’s natural to make judgments about each other, they should keep in mind that they will never really know another person.

However, we’re programmed to judge. Our lives depend on us using good judgment. Knowing when to judge and when not to is a balancing act.

Judgment is having the ability to form an opinion through discerning and comparing. This process leads us to sensible outcomes.

The other day, I was at a coffee shop working on my newsletter. A young man paced the floor. He was talking to himself. His speech was loud, angry, and rambling. I was about to change my seat so that I could face him, not feeling comfortable with my back turned.

But before I could move my seat, the rambling stopped, and I didn’t see him anymore. I shrugged and turned back to my writing, believing the young man had left the establishment. However, soon I heard yelling from the bathroom. Another customer said that the man in the bathroom stated that he had a gun.

Without further parsing, I, along with the other customers, headed for the exits while I believe the workers were calling 911.

When dating, it’s crucial to pick up on signals if a person or situation seems a bit sketchy. And to use good judgment to exit.

At times we’re amazed at how wrong we’ve assessed someone. During our black dating experiences, we’ve seen guys and immediately began to size them up. This is natural but too often we do so with a critical eye and a lip quivering to gossip.

The guy can’t dance a lick or sports outdated clothes or wears unkempt locks. As it turns out, this guy could be our soul mate.

The guy driving the old car with the horrible paint job and the broken side mirror must have one foot in the poor house.

However we find out later that he’s quite wealthy. And since he’s always been frugal, it’s become a habit. He also believes that to flaunt wealth is to be beset by those who will try con him out of it. Besides, he has an attachment to the 25-year-old rust bucket his father left him.

  As Black People Dating in this Century, We Do, and Must, Judge—However…

But we must allow room for the truth. Often what we see, think, hear, touch, taste, and smell isn’t what it seems to be.

Allowing our date’s personality to shine through without accusing or dictating or harboring negative thoughts about him, is paramount. Suppose we become upset with him and hold a grudge, believing that he deliberately disrespects us by never bringing flowers and he knows we love them.

Later we discover that he’s severely allergic to flowers and can’t go near them. We'd judged the situation wrongly.

Black people dating in the millennium must reserve judgment at times but also be able to judge quickly at other times. And above all else, we must not judge ourselves too harshly.

It’s a balancing act.

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