The Black Teen Dating is Often Confronted With Insecurities

Black teen dating is exciting because it’s fun to be young and perhaps to be in love. Social media brings teens closer than ever before and dating sites are plentiful. Girls can scroll through photo after photo of prospective heartthrobs.

But often the black teen dating, or who is about to date, hasn’t had much dating experience and may find herself with a broken heart. Knowing how to deal with such a devastating feeling can leave her searching for answers.

One of the most prevalent emotions the teen faces is envy. Someone else has what she wants, maybe that hot guy that she’s had her eye on, like, forever.

With emotions being volatile, she may pine away for days, and then hatch a plan to get what she wants.

According to psychotherapist, Andrea Harrn, some of the possible underlying causes of envy are:

  • A sense of unworthiness
  • Poor boundaries
  • Unresolved resentments, fear or anger
  • Warped perception on how to be truly happy
  • Unrealistic expectations of life

These behaviors may include attempting to ruin her rival’s reputation by gossiping about her or telling lies about her.

  The Black Teen Dating May be Jealous as Well as Envious

While in the case of envy, she wants what someone else has; with jealousy, she feels that she will lose what she already has.

If the teen’s date looks a bit too long at another female, she can become jealous, fearing she might lose him to her.

Andrea Harrn gives possible underlying causes of jealousy:

  • Lack of confidence
  • Trust issues
  • Insecurity, a sense of not being good enough
  • Previous rejection
  • Unresolved anger

In black dating, or dating in general, if the individual is the jealous type, she may act out certain destructive behaviors. These include angrily confronting her date or even the other person.

She will often bypass the guy in the relationship and go straight after the other female, demanding that she leave her boyfriend alone. Often the other female is unaware that the guy was involved with someone else.

The jealous teen may also act out more destructive behaviors by making heavy demands of her boyfriend, coming across as needy, or even destroying property.

Mina felt that Doug was cheating on her with the petite girl with the large eyes. He denied it, saying he didn’t even know her name. But she was always at the park where Mina and Doug hung out by the basketball hoops. And the girl and Doug always seemed to lock eyes.

One day when Mina drove through the park, she saw the two of them together. He was teaching the petite girl how to shoot hoops. They then sat on a bench and Doug put his arm around her shoulder.

Mina was enraged. She drove around until she spotted Doug’s car parked beneath a tree. Climbing out of her car, she walked over to his car and mule kicked a large dent in it.

Envy and jealousy are traits that people have felt to some degree and at some time. The Black teen dating scene, however, is often rife with these feelings. With some level of maturity, envy and jealousy can often be handled in a more disciplined way.

If the Black teen dating has a tendency to let envy and jealousy lead her to engage in inappropriate and destructive behavior, she should seek counseling.

“Envy is like a fly that passes all the body’s sounder parts, and dwells upon the sores.”

~ Arthur Chapman

“Envy lurks at the bottom of the human heart like a viper in its hole.”  

~ Honoré de Balzac

“Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt.”

~ Terri Guillemets

“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.”

~ Gary Allan

Harrn, A., PhD. (2012, April 19). What is the Difference Between Jealousy and Envy? Retrieved January 29, 2018, from

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