The black woman dating, whether she knows it or not, has much to offer her date. She brings to the table of their relationship, gentleness, softness, understanding, and intuitiveness, all of which culminate into a nurturing influence.
The black woman dating—as with other races of women—has the innate ability to cultivate beauty in many places. She’s an alchemist who turns her shack into a home with pizazz; who turns beans and rice and spices into a sumptuous casserole; and who turns a man’s heart into putty—all because it’s her true nature.
A man brings his own essence into the relationship. Ideally, he’ll possess strength, courage, and level-headedness. Men and women who date successfully balance each other.
It’s not that he makes her whole or that she makes him whole. Each should be whole as they enter into the relationship. Each, then, compliments the other.
Perhaps he’s at a loss to figure out a gift for his sister’s birthday. No problem; the black woman dating this man has a knack for picking out gifts.
However, when there’s a mouse in the house…
She shrieks and tears at her weave. No worries. Her man is not afraid of a mouse, is able to capture it, and release it outdoors.
But what are some reasons that couples aren’t in sync with each other?
Check out these reasons:
People often let past hurts cloud their judgment when it comes to dating. A woman may have a date who doesn’t often look at her when she talks to him.
This guy reminds her of a previous date who avoided eye contact because he was just not into her and who didn’t ask her out again.
This new guy, she assumes, will do the same. But it’s not necessarily true. This guy, unlike the other one, really likes her but is shy. Given time, the relationship could blossom.
When it comes to black dating, if a woman has not resolved being in a past hurtful relationship, she will grapple with self-esteem issues. Her date will notice, and he will not likely bother trying to cultivate a relationship.
He’s probably not a therapist and has his own issues. If he sees a clear exit, he’ll make for it. “Bye, Felicia.”
A friend of mine once said that when she went to parties, the other women there--regardless of how pretty they were—never intimidated her.
She said that she felt so good about herself that she didn’t compare herself with others. She knew she was special in her own right. And the man for her would know it too.
She was right. Yes, people value beauty but beauty itself—eye candy—cannot sustain a relationship. Having self-confidence and an unshakeable respect for self, will shine like a beacon through a dark night.
And a woman’s light attracts the date who is not blinded by the dumb stuff and who possesses a healthy self-concept of his own. The black woman dating in this day and age brings a lot of her genuine essence to the table.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” –Sharon Salzberg
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