Dating a Dangerous Lover? Here’s How to Spot One…

A dangerous lover causes problems in your life and perhaps in the lives of your loved ones. He will exhibit signs. You may be confused initially, thinking that these signs occur in most healthy relationships. And of course love is blind. It often is only in hindsight that you realize the disharmony in which the relationship suffered.

A dangerous lover can leave his legacy in many ways, including causing you confusion and discomfort.

Joe Navarro, author of the book Dangerous Personalities, discusses his book with Psychology Today. He states that there are four types of dangerous personalities: “…the more serious or increasing these behaviors are, the more likely the person is to victimize you physically, emotionally, mentally, or financially.” Navarro cites the four dangerous personalities…

  • The narcissistic personality likes to be treated special. This personality undervalues others and has a need to control others. Read my article on the narcissistic personality.
  • The emotionally unstable personality wants to be the center of attention in a dating relationship. He often plays the victim and his anger is stronger than the situation calls for.
  • The paranoid personality attempts to control others. He is secretive and scheming and thinks others are doing the same. He's on a moral high ground, is judgmental, and holds grudges.
  • The predator sees how he can benefit from what others have and takes steps to get it. He lies to get what he wants and has no feeling for how he’s put someone else at a disadvantage. He’s arrogant but can be charming.

  The Dangerous Lover May be Hard to Spot

He may be hard to spot because his behavior may be subtle. But if you’re paying attention, you’ll see the signs, one of which is that his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable.

When you spot these behaviors, leaving the situation sooner rather than later is recommended. If you’re unsure about what you’re interpreting, make a list of his behaviors you find disturbing and share it with a close friend or professional. It may be just you, but probably not.

Danita met Martin at the hospital where they worked. They were both nurses. They enjoyed a few black dating ventures. On one date, Martin invited Danita to his home. When he opened the garage door, Danita was shocked to see a dog chained, whimpering and huddled in a corner.

Martin dragged the dog out by its chain for it to use the bathroom, and then chained the dog back up in the garage and let down the door. He left the dog in total darkness.

Although Danita wasn’t an animal lover, she was against animal abuse. She, however, did not say anything to him about his actions.

Sometime later, Danita and Martin married. Danita doesn’t remember what happened to the dog in the garage, but Martin did get another dog. This dog didn’t seem to fare much better than the other one.

This dangerous lover physically abused the dog to the point where the dog nipped him. In turn, Martin choked the dog. Although he didn’t choke it to the point of death, the action goes to the Martin’s mindset. Why he had a dog in the first place is unclear. Perhaps he felt he needed something on which to take out his aggression.

Danita didn’t report any overt abuse to her during their marriage, but when their marriage began failed, Martin became vindictive. When Danita became distraught over her failing marriage and his change in behavior, she fell into a mild depression. Martin took the opportunity of her depression to seek sole physical and legal custody of their child.

Through lies, trickery, and making it seem that Danita's condition was worse than what it was, Martin convinced a court that he was the better parent. The court granted full legal and physical custody to him and Danita was only allowed supervised visitation with her child.

“The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” –Mahatma Gandhi

Having compassion for another sentient being says a lot about a person. An individual doesn’t have to be an animal lover to care about the well being of animals.  

According to the Cats and Dog Magazine, dogs evolved from wolves thousands of years ago and that dogs could be domesticated because of their gentle nature.     

Today, many cats and dogs are used as therapy animals. They bring comfort to those in pain or who just need the comfort of another being near, especially one that is good natured and nonjudgmental and gives unconditional love.

Some dangerous lovers cannot appreciate these gentle creatures. And take out their pain on them as someone may have taken out their aggression on the individual. This dangerous lover is often detached from his feelings.

You must not turn a blind eye to his actions because he will show his hand more and more. It is not likely that he will change his ways unless he realizes he has a problem and wants to change. But more likely than not, he’ll feel you’re the one with the problem.

Often we look at men as possessing these four dangerous personality types. But women have them as well. These people can pop up on your dating radar filled with smiles and charm. But use caution. They can be wolves in sheep’s clothing.

"Dangerous Personalities." Psychology Today. Accessed April 01, 2019. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201410/dangerous-personalities.

Scapelliti, Christopher, ed. "How Dogs Chose Humans." The Secret Worlds of Cats & Dogs, 29-31. Athlon Publications

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