The dating black woman in a new relationship should make sure she gets off to a good start. Relationships that offer the best promise of surviving are those in which each individual looks within to make sure they have reached a high degree of maturity.
Some people have not reached a high enough level of maturity and enter into a relationship while they have someone else on the side or even who are married. Some people do not appreciate other people’s feelings or honor their marriage vows. It might just be a game to them.
They aren’t looking for lasting romance, just a good time.
However, the dating black woman who’s looking for a meaningful relationship is not looking to play games. But what she may have overlooked is the tendency, albeit unconsciously, to bring past hurts and resentments into her new relationship.
If she does, it’s not fair to the other person, and it may lead to her downfall.
The dating black woman needs to get herself together first, that is, she needs to check her baggage at the door.
Have you heard the story about the two monks and the young woman? Even if you have, the story bears repeating.
There was a senior and a junior monk walking along a path. They came to a river that had a strong current and were about to cross. A beautiful young woman was trying to cross. She turned to them and asked if they could help her get to the other side.
This request put the monks in a precarious position since they had taken a vow to not touch a woman. Finally the senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river safely to the other side. The two men then went on their way.
However, the junior monk was perplexed. But he said nothing to the older monk for three hours.
Finally, the junior monk was unable to contain himself and blurted out, “We monks are not permitted to touch a woman. How could you carry her on your shoulders?”
The senior monk gazed into the eyes of his younger companion and said, “Brother, I put her down on the other side of the river hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”
This Zen story is simple but meaningful. The junior monk had been holding his tongue for three hours. Undoubtedly he could not have thought of little else. What happened in the past still troubled him.
When the dating Black woman carries pain from the past, it becomes burdensome. She may not always know that she carries these destructive elements within herself.
But the moment comes when she blurts out her feelings, which may have come from the past and is dumped on her date.
The dating Black woman should also take her cue from one of the characters in the Bible—Lot’s wife.
According to Wikipedia, the story of Lot’s wife starts after two angels arrive in Sodom, a wicked city. Lot invited the angels to spend the night at his home. The men in Sodom wanted the two angel men, but Lot refused.
With the dawn, the visiting angels insisted that Lot get his family together and leave the city because an impending disaster was about to happen. This was due to the wickedness of the city.
The command was given to flee and not stop anywhere and not look back. But while fleeing, Lot’s wife turned and looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt.
When the dating Black woman looks back, she is looking at her past, at past betrayals. Maybe she refers to herself as being dumbed down regarding a failed black dating experience. She should do some introspection first to make sure she’s mature enough to start a new adventure in dating. Perhaps she should stop dating men until... she can stop relating to negative perceptions of herself.
The Black woman must learn to live in the present with an open mind. She should check the baggage of the past at the door and not allow it to enter with her into her new relationship.
It would be tragic if she were turned into a pillar of salt.
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