Is He A Deceitful Lover?
If So, Here's What You Can Do...

A deceitful lover is one who has you believing that all is well between the two of you in the romance department when it really isn’t.

Deceit involves misleading others, lying, cheating, scheming, and being disingenuous, among other things.

Heartbreak awaits you upon you discovering that the guy you’ve been seeing turns out to be a deceitful lover. Now your emotions kick into high gear and have you in knots.

Lana and Duncan have been an item for the past few months. Their relationship began like many others do with plenty of fun and excitement and trust. Their emotions have been deepening, at least for Lana.

Duncan became a bit distant. He didn’t call or visit Lana as much as he used to. He stated that work was taking up a lot of his time. Yes, this could be the case but it still left Lana with an unsettling feeling. Regardless, she never felt that he could be a deceitful lover.

One day one of Lana’s friends stopped by to tell her that there was something Lana needed to know. Her friend opened her laptop and pulled up a dating site. She turned the screen around to Lana. 

There on the screen, on the dating site, was Duncan’s profile! He advertised himself as being an adventurer and a lover of women. He stated he was looking for a woman who liked hiking and yoga. Duncan had a prominent picture of himself on the site.

Lana experienced a mind freeze. She could not formulate thoughts or words. She felt completely dissociated from her body and her breathing became ragged.

When Duncan came over that evening, Lana confronted him about seeing his profile on the dating site. He tried to turn the tables on her by asking her why she was on a dating site. She knew he was trying to sidestep the issue and to cast suspicion on her. She simply stated that someone had brought it to her attention. He then wanted to know who that was.

Lana didn’t get sidetracked and kept the focus on Duncan. He finally admitted that he’d cheated. 

Face it, Girl—You May Be in a Relationship With a Deceitful Lover

There are many reasons why people cheat. Joanne Rogers’ article Why Do Men Cheat?lists 7 common ones. These are:

  1. Lack of intimacy. He may feel that there’s just not enough action in the bedroom.
  2. Not finding his spouse as attractive as he used to. He turns away to someone who he sees as being more attractive. 
  3. Hypersexuality. He feels that he needs more sex than what is in his current relationship.
  4. Wanting to end the relationship. Some men feel that the spark has gone out of the relationship. And before ending it, they’re in the process of lining up a replacement.
  5. Because of their ego. Some men get an ego boost when they realize that other women want them.
  6. To get revenge. He may feel the need to get even with his girlfriend for something she did or felt she did in the past that hurt him.
  7. Immaturity. Those that are immature may not find it important to honor a serious a committed relationship. 

The deceitful lover will leave you heartbroken, depending on how much time and amorous feelings you have invested in the relationship.

Now what do you do? You have decisions to make. Do you feel you can repair the relationship or do you want to go your separate way?

If you want to consider reconciling, consider these three steps: 

  • Forgiveness
  • Rebuilding trust
  • Being open to change

“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” –Paul Lewis Boese.

This means that if one can forgive a hurt, the future can become brighter if understanding and growth occurs from the situation.

“Trust can be rebuilt. It takes time, communication and pure honesty.” @gentlemenhood.

Rebuilding trust is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. But forgiveness makes it easier and patience adds its value.

Being able to look beyond hurt to the possibilities that lie ahead when reconciling with a lover, gives you power to stay the course.

However, make sure reconciling is the right thing to do. Sometimes the other person may be so toxic that it will not be in your best interest to try to repair the relationship.

Perhaps this is why the relationship failed in the first place. 

But if reconciling feels right and the three steps above are applied, the future may hold much promise.

“I’m proud of my heart. It’s been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken, but somehow it still work.” –Cheater and Cheating quotes

"7 Reasons Why Men Cheat." Worried Lovers. January 18, 2019. Accessed August 05, 2019.

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