Saying, “Goodbye Lover” to someone who has filled your heart with joy for a period of time may be the hardest words to say. It is so difficult that even after these words are spoken, you sometimes end up taking this person back into your life.
The reasons for breakups vary. Perhaps you two argue constantly about money. Perhaps you feel he’s too controlling. Perhaps you two get along great but you need to go away to school or to take a job in another state.
The longer you’ve been with someone and the depth of love you feel for him directly affects the difficulty in breaking up.
Candice was unhappy in her relationship with
Kenny, her live in lover for the past year. Although he had a good job—as did
Candice—he put the financial needs of his single mother and two teenage
When rent time came, instead of contributing to the rent and other household expenses where he lived with Candice, Kenny gave his entire share of the money to his mother and brothers.
Candice told him more than once that she had a problem with that. She agreed that he should help his mother and brothers but he needed to “man-up” and pay expenses where he lived with her. Kenny would still have money leftover to help them.
Further, his brothers were always over to their apartment, eating up the food that Candice had bought and cooked. Kenny rarely put his brothers in check.
When Kenny came home from work, he always expected food to be on the table, although Candice worked a demanding job just as he did. And he did not do any of the household chores as they had agreed upon when he moved into her apartment.
Candice knew she would have to say, “Goodbye Lover,” and mean it since he took no steps to work on the issues that concerned her. She felt if she continued to try to talk to him about her unhappiness, she would start nagging him.
She made sure she wanted to part ways with him before she talked to him about it. She did not want to be friends. She just wanted out of the relationship and for them to go their separate ways.
Candice became resentful toward Kenny, his mother, and his brothers. She’d waited too long to say, “Goodbye Lover.” But at least she wouldn’t continue in an unfulfilling relationship for another year. She decided to tell him that she wanted him to move out and would give him 30 days.
Kenny was reluctant move out and initially made no effort to do so. Candice then started pressuring him to the point that he did move out shortly before the deadline she gave him.
There were no tears or anger or arguments displayed between the two. It was amicable although she felt Kenny would probably be dealing with some separation anxiety and mild depression. Candice felt relieved, but emotionally drained, when her ordeal was over. She never saw Kenny again.
If the words,
“Goodbye Lover,” are on your lips, Klare Heston, contributing writer to WikiHow on, “How to Amicably End a
Relationship,” offers these tips on notifying your partner
of a breakup:
Choose the right time and place. Postpone the news of a breakup around the holidays or if the person is dealing with the loss of a pet or is dealing with another important issue in his life. When setting a time to talk to him, make sure you’re not rushed. Set aside enough time.
If you don’t live together, choose a place where you won’t be overheard and at the same time where there won’t be distractions. Of course if you think he might get violent, you don’t want to have the conversation when you’re alone with him. If possible, it’s best to tell him face to face.
Getting the right mindset. Know what you want to say so that you won’t stammer. Anticipate any questions he might have. And be specific as to why you feel it’s necessary to break up. Be firm, otherwise he may try to tell you his behavior will improve. Know that emotions will be involved, his as well as yours. Be prepared.
Ending the relationship. A few hours ahead of time let the other person know that you need to talk with him. You don’t want to give him too much time because he might worry, although if things haven't been going right between you two, he may have an idea that you want to say to him, "Goodbye Lover."
Klare Heston suggests being specific when you speak with him and to use words such as these if this fits your situation: “I haven't felt like I'm really part of your life. When you go out with your friends, I feel uninvited, and I feel that you haven't been inclusive when I've asked to go. I also feel concerned that you haven't introduced me to your family. It makes me feel like I'm not that important to you. I think you're a great person, but that's not the kind of relationship that's going to make me happy, so I need to move on."
It’s also important not to sugar coat the situation and also to acknowledge your involvement in it. As with Candice, she could have said her goodbye sooner instead of letting resentment build.
Heston also cautions against arguing and stresses the need to stay in control of your emotions. Being clear about the future is important. Do you want to remain friends or do you want a clean break?
Keeping it amicable. Avoid talking smack about him to your friends. And avoid taking to social media to post your complaint about him, including posting pictures of him.
Don’t try to get revenge. And it may be a good idea to unfriend him for a while to avoid seeing what he’s up to on social media. Return those things that are his. Don’t nitpick over small items.
And do not send mixed messages, such as saying you want to break up with him and at the same time striking a sexy pose. It may be tempting to jump into the sack with him one last time, but don’t. It will only muddy the waters of your goal to break up.
Don’t say, “Goodbye Lover,” unless you mean it. Be prepared to deal with the emotional fallout that may occur. You may need to reassure him that he is a good person. You may also need to talk to a friend after the break up just for comfort. When all is said and done, you can then start a new and promising chapter in your life.
Heston, Klare. "How to Amicably End a Relationship." WikiHow. March 28, 2019. Accessed April 02, 2019. https://www.wikihow.com/Amicably-End-a-Relationship.
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