Considering a live-in lover rather than committing to marriage? You’re not alone. Many women are delaying marriage or giving up on the idea of it altogether, preferring to live together with a love one.
These women desire companionship and protection without the associated complexity that marriage confers.
Why are so many women opting for this arrangement? Researchers state that there’re many reasons women may prefer to cohabitate. One is that she’s not sure that the man she’s with is the right one.
If there’re major problems in her relationship—living with one who has a tendency to dominate, perhaps—it’s generally easier to sever the relationship than with a spouse.
Some people stay in a loveless marriage because a divorce could cause them financial ruin. While many see cohabitation as a better choice because they don’t often have their money tied together in the purchase of a home or other investments as those who’re married.
Valuing her independence, she feels her commitment isn’t as deep as if she were married. She doesn’t feel as locked-in.
You’ve heard the saying: a man works from sun to sun but a woman’s work is never done. Many women have heard this too and are troubled by it.
Mandy remembers her grandmother and how hard she worked, cooking meals
everyday for her husband and children, washing and ironing clothes, and keeping
the house clean. These chores Grandma did besides also contributing financially
to the household.
But the chores were not equally divided. Grandma’s share was more, much more than Grandpa’s. Mandy was in no hurry to marry and to follow in Grandma’s shoes.
Although things have changed since then—for instance, many women now have housekeepers and fewer mouths to feed—Mandy wants to get to know herself better and in addition, get to know her live-in lover better as well. She feels that this will decrease her chance of becoming a divorcee.
Regardless, cohabitation should not be taken lightly. It has many of the same expectations as those who are married, such as being committed to making the relationship work by being kind and considerate to one another, sharing household duties, negotiating problems in the relationship, and sharing the paying of bills.
Another factor is—just as in marriage—you will want to keep yourself presentable just as you did when you were dating.
Is a live-in lover right for you? Knowing that people can hide their true personalities when dating, it is nearly impossible to hide one’s personality when living with someone.
He can be on his best behavior when you're dating. He can be a gentleman. He can be cordial to your parents. He can make you laugh. You like the traits you see in him and feel that they are genuine.
Everyone wears a mask. It may be close to one's personality or it can be far from it. Your mother told you to be on your best behavior when you are out in public, and you never forgot her words. And so you wore your mask when out. And others did the same.
But when you're not in public, when you come home, you are more relaxed. Your guard is down. You take a break from the front you wear. And so does he.
It's like when you come home, you take off your sweater and hat. You rest and put your feet up. And above all, you take off your mask.
When the mask comes off, how will you look to him? And how will he look to you?
Will he be the right one for you? It is your call.
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