The single Black woman dating may have been involved in an abusive relationship in the past. If so, she may be spending time trying to heal. Sometimes she’s not aware that she was or is in an abusive relationship.
She would recognize physical abuse more readily than emotional or mental abuse. But emotional abuse can escalate to physical abuse.
The single Black woman dating today may be unaware that mental and emotional abuse is something that can sneak up on her. She may have had to be careful about what she said in a relationship in case it created tension.
Friends and family were more likely to understand that she is or was in an abusive relationship. But the single Black woman dating her significant other had problems seeing it because her emotions clouded her vision. Besides, she felt that outsiders couldn’t see the whole picture.
How could they?
They weren’t in her shoes.
Yes, he picked fights and yelled and belittled her sometimes, but other times he cooked dinner and brought her flowers. True, he hadn’t cooked or brought flowers lately. And lately he’d been immersed in television programs, social media, or other activities that exclude her.
Matter of fact, she had to search her brain to recall the good times they spent together.
She found a little surprise in his pocket one day when she washed his clothes—a condom. And the two of them didn’t use condoms.
He said he’d held it for a male friend who forgot to reclaim it. She didn’t really believe this but maybe, just maybe… He did sound convincing. She felt conflicted. She wanted it to be true so she gave him the benefit of the doubt.
But what about the time his wallet fell on the floor and out spilled these business cards from a bar and gentlemen’s clubs? What excuse could he have given for these that she would’ve believed?
And she recalled the couple of times he didn’t come home and said he spent the night on his buddy’s couch because he was too wasted to drive home.
At some point, there was no more denying it. She knew she’d been betrayed. She then went through varying emotions, ranging from anger to loneliness to depression. Her hand crawled for the box of tissues just in time for the waterworks.
If she’s in an abusive relationship, she’ll need to make some decisions, the foremost one is extricating herself. If she was sharing his home, where would she go to live? She’ll also have to reclaim her own identity. It used to be her and him; now it’s just her.
She’ll have to face her friends and family—the ones who told her that she was in an abusive relationship.
It may seem unbearable to part ways especially if she was with him for an extended period of time. It may even be to the point that this ends her desire to ever date again.
Although this article is written from a woman’s point of view, being a victim of mental and even physical abuse applies equally to men. Often it’s more difficult for men to extricate themselves from a tense situation because they don’t have the emotional support or sympathy that friends, family, and society afford women.
But the same healing processes that apply to women, apply to men.
An online site known as World of Psychology, offers these suggestions to those who have been abused:
The single Black woman dating must not only get
herself out of an abusive relationship if she is in one, but she must also be
on high alert when dating in the future.
She should realize that there are many great single Black men who will make excellent partners. She should vow to find one.
Feuerman, M. (2018, July 08). 21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/21-warning-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/
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